I read a book a very long time ago titled The Four Agreements. I gained great wisdom from this book and it sits alongside many other great books I have read over the years. Little did I know after reading The Four Agreements, that one day these agreements would come back into my life over and over again. Agreements that rerouted my life and habits that I changed which have helped me through out my life so far. It even helped me with raising my daughters. One in particular agreement I taught them was "Always Do Your Best". Ironically I am going to talk about this agreement today.
When I first found out that Emily was diagnosed with NHL I went into this crazy fact finding, research guru. I researched everything from what the hell is this, to what needs to be done to get my daughter through this and back to living her life. I thought I was doing my best and what was best for her. And I was. To a degree.
I found my days were consumed with searching articles, recipes, and anything I could get my hands on. I had no idea what was going to happen, what I needed to do, and how best to attack this terrible disease and help Emily through it all. Even though I have learned a ton of valuable information, I literally became a person I didn't even know or want to be.
It didn't dawn on me until I was gently told that I over did things. I didn't know when to stop. At first I thought, no that's not me! I'm doing my best. But sometimes the truth hurts and it takes a few minutes or a day to let honest words sink in. I would have to agree that I do go over board with certain things. And I really go over board when it comes to my family and their health. You may be thinking I have every right to, and yes I do, again to a degree.
I took these words as a reminder that I can do my best and not over do it. If you are constantly trying to do your best and never feeling like you are achieving it, you are always going to feel like you aren't doing enough. This is where I was a couple weeks ago. You end up missing out on so many important other things in life. Like living. And in living, you are giving your best to yourself and to your loved ones. Also known as self-care.
A good example is taken from the book which I have adjusted to save time :) If you meditate 30 minutes a day it will take you less time to achieve your best than it will if you meditated 2 or more hours. Because you may feel if you meditate longer you will achieve your best. When in fact you are being taken away from living and enjoying your life when you over do it. More time does not equal your best.
I still will look up things if I think they are interesting. But I no longer dive deep into anything anymore. I realize that what I have researched is enough for me to do my best. If something is of interest to me I'll look it up. Other than that I know I am equipped with the best information to get us to where we want to be. And at the end of the day when I'm laying there ready to fall asleep, I can truly tell myself that I've done my best. Nothing more, nothing less.
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